i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize