just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
