Are we in a gay sports bar?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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