I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
