imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
