last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
