that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize