At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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