so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
