I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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