I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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