I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
