she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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