a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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