my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
