I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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