my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
