One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
