And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
