we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
