He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize