I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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