If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
