Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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