Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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