never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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