When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
