You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
