your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
