i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
