I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
