Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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