At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
