Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think people are normalizing furries
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize