She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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