so explain again why im purple
no
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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