i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Success! We fucked roommates!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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