you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
