you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver just had a heart attack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
