I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
