Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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