Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
