She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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