mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
