I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
