just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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