i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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