I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
