May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I AM VODKA MAN
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
