Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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