I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
