she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
