You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
