just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
