the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
