Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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