you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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