This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
