Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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