shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i think i just lost a toe
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
