nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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