we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
