so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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