I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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