I'm going to jail i love you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
