Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
