Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
