Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
