I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
