I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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