Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
