guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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