i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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