I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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