Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
