Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
