when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
