my phone needs a breathalizer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
