halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
