Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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