covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
