I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Randomize
