Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
