we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize