the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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