It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
