One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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