was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
