Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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