our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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