he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
