You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
