You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
