True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
