I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
