I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
