Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
