I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
