i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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