Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
