I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
