hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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