I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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