I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize