I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
