it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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