remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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