In the future we'll all be gay
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
