He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
