i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
