just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
