His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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