Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
